I never imagined that I'd write a post of this nature, but a lot has been on my mind lately and it just feels right to get it out of me. Kasey finds it strange that I grew up in the same house from the age of four until I moved out and got an apartment at the age of 18. Apparently not many kids grew up in the same house all of their childhood years- but I certainly did.
When I was 15 my parents got a divorce. At first my mom lived at the house with us and my dad moved out, but because of money and divorce crap and who knows what my dad eventually got the house and my mom bought a new house. At first I tried going back and forth, but it was hard and I felt like I was packing up my life every single weekend. I finally decided to live at my dad's a.k.a. the house that I spent my whole life at.
Well life went on and since moving out I have lived in three different houses- two apartments and now Kasey and I own a house. My dad was living in this house pretty much by himself- my brother is a teenager, so of course he's only home to sleep. My dad was tired of taking care of the house by himself, and I totally understood why he would want to sell. I wasn't emotional about it at all, until I got here today to stay for a few days and it dawned on me that this is the last time I will be in this house.
If you would have asked me how I would have handled this a couple of years ago, I would have been an emotional mess. The- throw yourself on the wall, cry your eyes out, mess. But, I have been surprisingly fine. I walked up the stairs the same way I used to do when I was a kid. I sat by the fireplace just like I always used to. Except, this time I am taking it all in. I am looking at the fine details- the way the house smells, what route I take on the stairs, what couch I always choose, etc. It means so much to me as an adult to see everything and to realize this is it- I'm never coming back here again.
I admit, I'm shedding a tear writing all of this. It is hard. This is the house that I had all my birthday parties at. I rode my horses in the field. I broke my arm wrestling with my brother in the living room. I cried. I laughed. I lived. This was where it all happened. I will really miss this place.
I also am in awe. My friends used to tell me when I was little that I had a nice house. I'm not saying this to boast, I'm saying it because I have a really good point that I'm going to bring up- just wait! Being back in the house after a couple of years of being gone, I'm realizing just how nice I had it. Kasey and I are really blessed to have the house that we do. We got a great deal on it and I'm really proud of our nest. But being here, wow. I feel so defeated. Maybe that isn't quite the word I'm looking for, but it's 2:30am and I can't think.
So about that point- here it is. I want to have this someday! I want to be able to provide this kind of lifestyle for my future kids. This house isn't anything spectacular, but it is nice. It feels gimungo (yeah, just sound it out, it will make sense) compared to our little house. Seeing this house motivates me to work hard and to save my money as best as I can so that someday my kids can grow up in a house like this.
I close this chapter of my life with a little sadness, but also with great happiness. I'm happy that I was given the opportunity to live here. I'm happy that this is where I've called "home" for the past 17 years of my life. And I'm happy that I get a chance to actually say good bye. This week will be fun to study this house with adult eyes and an open mind. I don't want to forget anything about my home.
Lastly, I pray for the family who purchased the house. I pray for many great memories to be formed at this house for them like they were for me. I hope there are more birthday parties, less broken arms, and tons of laughter!
